I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
