This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
