Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
