He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
