fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
