I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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