some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
