butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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