My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
