What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you had me at cake vodka
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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