I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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