He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
