I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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