Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize