So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
