Got a toothbrush?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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