I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize