yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
