I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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