Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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