I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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