nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she told me i tasted like america
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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