I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
