WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
