i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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