My friends, they love my intelligence
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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