When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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