I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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