Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
