I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need a beard to bite.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
