do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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