I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
