you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
