He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
