You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
