I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
