Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
