I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
