is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
