whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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