You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
