The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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