Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
