my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
