There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
