There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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