Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize