see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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