i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I intend to get homeless drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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