I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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