you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
