careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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