Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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