My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
