i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
