Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
