They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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