I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
