If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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