When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
