ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We left the knife in your bed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
