i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
