Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
