walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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