I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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