the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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