he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
