I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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