I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
