So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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