Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
