That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
