yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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