hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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