When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
