her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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