We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
