dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
