dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
