Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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