we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
