Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
