If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
