Welp...herpes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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