I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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