is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
