i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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