before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
