I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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