I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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