so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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