I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
