well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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