walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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