Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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