Pappa wants mamma naked
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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